We made it through two weeks of homeschooling, two weeks of working from home with two kids around, two weeks of The Spring of the Virus. Even if the Shelter in Place order lasts into summer, into fall?God forbid?it will be springtime in my mind when my future wise self and I look back on this global Coronavirus pandemic. Covid19 shut us all down right as the tulips and asparagus burst forth. The other morning, eerily quiet since traffic has so slowed and Bart is running shorter hours and fewer trains, I heard a flock of Canada geese flying over the house. Heading North for summer? Choosing a different path in quieter skies? It was nice to hear them.
Things at our house are going better than expected, much better than I?d feared. When we made it to last weekend, I could even say, honestly, that we were doing okay. This after a desperate and depressed couple of days; the shops were overrun with people (but devoid of toilet paper), and I ran into a teacher from my son?s school and we both burst into tears. Governor Newsom had just announced that our kids might not go back to school this year, and that was the reality that hit me the hardest both personally and globally: all these children, for whom school is structure and lifeline, are now floating, aimless, free. My son?s got his best teacher so far, and as Ben put it, we wanted the whole year with him?we needed the whole year!?and we don?t get it. It?s hard not to feel betrayed and devastated.
Except that my kid is, basically, fine.
At ten, he?s both sensitive and oblivious, and nothing if not an introvert. He admitted last week that he?s not much missing anyone, and he?s happily reading, doing his math, shooting hoops, and driving us nuts. The three-year-old seems to be thriving, too, which is confusing to me since he loves his preschool so very much. But he?s easier to be around, less exhausted, more cheerful, sleeping better, and thriving on our makeshift routine: every day at ten, when the morning work shift (mine) ends and I start on kid duty, we cook something together, then have experiential learning time (the endless project of making an Ancient Rome diorama) before family lunch. PE is every day from 2:30-4:00: we scooter, or we bike ride, or we meet up with friends outside and keep a careful six feet away. Or we trek up to Indian Rock and climb around.There are beautiful things about a life lived more slowly, more purposefully, and in a more contained way, even when it's hard. Click To Tweet
The running underlying thread of dread. The confusion and guilt of doing okay: am I faring better than some of my colleagues, than some of my friends? Should I feel bad about this? Is this time the calm before the storm, before the colleges and non-profits close and our income disappears? Will all of our favorite businesses go under? Are the kids who thrived on the routine of school going to back-slide during this time and be forever behind, perpetuating the achievement gap in our city? Will we plummet into a global recession that has consequences so long-lasting my kids will feel them in their early adulthood? And will we get and survive this thing? What about our loved ones?
It?s almost unnecessary to outline these fears. We all have them. Even on the good days, they?re there. It?s like this brilliant quote from that show ?The Good Place,? when the Eleanor character is trying to describe what it?s like being human to someone who?s immortal. ?We humans know about death,? she says. ?So we?re all always a little bit sad underneath.? We humans know about Coronavirus, so we?re always a little bit sad underneath. None of us will ever be the same after this spring of the virus.
?It?s good to keep knowing yourself,? says Alicia Keys in this delightful video. The strangest/most magical part of The Spring of the Virus? Really seeing the four people who make up our family in clearer ways than usual. When all the schedules are wiped clean, when we?re the only people we see, somehow I know us all better, and differently. L is shyer than I remembered, and consistently happy to entertain himself. Ben takes deep solace in growing things. I?m alive if I?ve got my early mornings and a cup of tea, writing poems. And little S thrives on being needed, on being cherished, more than ever.
Sending love and light, readers, for your Spring of the Virus. We?ll get through this.
High, Low, Buffalo, similar to Rose and Thorn, is a dinnertime game that was introduced to me by my friend An Honest Mom. Over dinner, you share your day: the high, the low, and the magical, or strange, or odd thing you?re still mulling over: the buffalo.
Need some recipe ideas while you?re stuck at home? Check out:
Vegetarian Dinners That Don’t Suck
How about a good book?
Plug: Ann Patchett’s State of Wonder
**And remember that it?s very likely that your local, independent bookstore is doing online orders. Mine is! Amazon will survive this crisis. Your local bookstore might not. So buy your books indie, friends.
This feels a lot like things at my house. And many of my sentiments are the same. Except that I’m most afraid that we will just go back to things as they were, that my kids will find themselves on the same economic roller coaster whose levers are controlled by an ever smaller number of individuals (see:the current horrendous stimulus bill). My biggest fear is that we won’t seize this opportunity for change.
Yeah, I share that fear. I’m trying to wrap my brain around *how* meaningful change will come out of this. It’s certainly changed us as individuals, and changed our families, schools, and communities, but I don’t know that it will change the system. Thanks for commenting–sending love to you and yours over there.
Loved this Suz and so intrigued by the change in S. so positive and I wasn?t expecting it.
ME NEITHER! Though I suppose it makes sense that having two parents forced to be home with him would make him his best self. He’s always loved all the attention…
Susie! It’s a gift to read your wonderfully crafted words in these strange times. I was just thinking of you the other day, wondering if you are getting much writing done. I was touched by the moment that you and L’s teacher burst into tears at the grocery store. I think I would cry if I ran into anyone I knew at the store, especially a teacher! The tears flow so easily these days. I feel the same way about V’s teacher, and am aching with hope that we get at least a few weeks back in the classroom. Regardless, we’ll make it through this one way or another. Thanks for sharing! XO
Julie, I miss seeing your face! Thanks for the comment. I *am* getting some writing done, mostly because I take the first work shift which starts at 6:30 a.m., so depending what’s happening in my classes I sometimes have an hour to plug away. I’m trying to write a social distancing poem every day and revise a manuscript. Feels like a gift to have an outlet. I hope you guys are doing okay. XO